[Less shock, really-he dealt with the shock when he had to stare at her corpse in horrified disbelief. No, now it's more like he's just...numb. He's slowly been trying to go back to normal and feel emotions like everyone else, but whenever Saya's mentioned he goes back to that numb feeling. Recounting and remembering it still hurts, but the numb feeling...it dulls the pain.

It hurts less that way.

But....he feels like he should tell Jesse why. He's one of her friends-and even if it's a retelling of his own inability, he deserves to know.]

...We ran into those reindeer going to the hospital, and they hurt her. The painkillers she had...I guess one of the pills made the pain worse. She..

[He stops, gulping hard.]

...She started screaming and writhing around, and...she asked me to kill her.

[Another pause, and then he speaks in a low voice, a tinge of bitterness and self-loathing coloring his words.]

...I couldn't.

So...she...she shot herself.

[There's a long moment of silence after that.

It feels like there should be one, not just that he doesn't know what to say.

...Although he has no clue what to say now. What can you say after you've seen your friend blow out their brains in front of you?

Eventually, he just starts mumbling to himself, guilt and the contempt he has for himself practically dripping off every word.]

Because I wasn't strong enough to stop her suffering...she had to do it herself. Heh. Some friend I am.